Scenario
India goes to war with Pakistan. An army base in Pakistani occupied Kashmir has to be attacked immediately....
What if the following students were made in-charge....
Rana
will single-handedly go to the camp and kill all the men and then find out that instead of going of going West, he went East and attacked a Chinese camp. The cell-phone gave him the wrong directions
Pilot Orni (alias Horny, Blackie, Rodent, Pest, Aunie)
will use a dual attack strategy.
(i) Chemical Warfare
He will bombard the Paki air waves with Chemical equations (Invented by him of course) and thus, jam all missiles.
(ii) Psychological Warfare
As master in superiority Complex, he will make all people around feel inferior and commit 'sew-side'. However this Technique can affect Indian troops more.
Update: It was recently brought to the author's notice that his Verbal Farts have been declared a Biological weapon and hence Illegal as per the Geneva convention.
Jimmy
will decide that he has to THINK before acting and after 41/2 years , he will come to the conclusion that the Indo-Pak war occurred because "Thai food was spicy"
The South Sex Brigade
will sexpose in front of the Paki soldiers, thus enabling the Indian Troops to shoot the Paki 'Dick-heads'.
Pilot cum Admiral Viren (alias Mad Surd)
Being a rational thinker, he will rationalise first:
"Pakis must be shot to death
Pakistan is a Moslem country
All Pakis are, therefore, Moslems
Shajeeh is a Moslem
So Shajeeh is a Paki
SO SHAJEEH MUST BE SHOT TO DEATH!"
Gaurav Nakul
will decide to attack tomorrow because he is too tired today. (He had ONLY slept for 20 hours today and must prepare for tomorrow's sleep)
"Oaih, Chod na Yaar..." is his motto for the Indian Army.
Air Chief Marshal Ravinder Singh
believes that 'Aerial Attack' is the best attack. Hence he will call his ace 'Flying Squad' to roll out (or smoke out) the hiding Pakis....
Deserter Yatindra Nayampally (alias Portugese Lizard, Moby, Dick (or is it Moby Dick), Trish, Prince Pally)
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........scratch scratch Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....................
Pintoo Khanna
will sermonise the poor Pakis to death.
Vineet
will look in front of the mirror and try to convince himself that "He is the man"!
Rajendra D (accompanied by Orni)
will strip at night and penetrate the enemy camp and kill everyone. Pakis will attribute the loss to "THE GHOST IN THE DARKNESS"
Sir Parry
will send missiles in the other direction (to confuse the Pakis) but Parry knows the missile will hit them because the 'THE WORLD IS ROUND'!
Salil Gupta (alias Mogambo)
"Music Kills....."
Somehow his music has the same effect all round the world. He will torture the Pakis to lifelong distress and mental torment.
Siddhu Nayak
will decide to blind the Pakis. ("colour -attack")
"Fluorescent Orange shirt with Bright Green Pants, Purple Tie, Yellow cap, Blue shoes, Dark Pink Socks" will surely cause permanent damage to the looker's eyeballs and Brains.
Pilot Akshay Shetty
will decide to 'circumcise' the Pakis - the best idea to ever cum in his brain.
Pilot cum Vice-Admiral Kunal Ghatak
will decide that Gorilla (read" grotesquely hairy) warfare will be the best way to attack.
Will attack Shajeeh first.
Rohan Koppikar
will decide to swim across and attack . As soon as he realises that there is NO water to swim across, he will abort the Mission but report to the High Commission that his Commando Mission was an unquestionable success.
Danesh K
Decided that he will go to the Paki camp for talks
"ALLAH, SAVE THE PAKIS......"
Aman-Daman
will attack at 1200 hrs and 0000 hrs as those are the times when friends told them that they were 'extremely dangerous'. Aman might try to disguise himself as 'John Lennon' and Daman as 'Mother Theresa'.
Chief of Navy Hushmoin Patell (accompanied by his Mata Hari)
will decide that the best way to kill Pakis will be top starve the Pakis of Alcohol - will undertake the mission himself along with his MATA HARI.
Captain Man-ish
will decide to use his brains (by the time, the information reaches his brains, the war should be celebrating its Platinum Jubilee)
Deserter Yatindra Nayampally (alias Portugese Lizard, Moby, Dick (or is it Moby Dick), Trish, Prince Pally)
STILL SLEEPING (though there is some scratching going on ....)
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.........scratch scratch Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.....................
Author's Notice
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My Roll No is 943 and My name is Mr. Aniruddha Sen (C-Block, G-5)
Please come during day-time if you wish to contact me (that's the only time I can be seen).
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